i spent the whole of today feeling very sorry for myself
unproductive yes

but its one of those moods you cant really shake off but have to sit it out

i woke up from a dream this morning
i hadnt had it for close to a year now
but then it was so tantalisingly familiar
and kinda saddening as well
its torturing me with something i can never get
tempting me to give everything up

bahh
what can you do
when you cant even get proper respite in your sleep

then i was plagued by this feeling of ennui the entire day

what if there's one only person for you in this world
and you've already screwed everything up
by not trying hard enough when you had the chance?

aii
how can i just let you walk in and out of my life like that
shouldnt there be barriers or something i put up
what to do

karma is a bitch babe.



i m going to take a xanax and hop into bed
today has been a total waste

incidentally
i strongly suspect i m crazy
not in the good way
but in the crazy-lady-with-mental-illness-and-50-cats way

i dunno why, but crazy women always seem to have cats.
yah.

hurr.