random

in a queer sort of mood tonight. think its a combination of insomnia the past week and hectic rushing about this afternoon looking at cruise ships and ball locations for MDSS events. i m lying in bed feeling sleepy, yet more awake than i have been for some time. its hard to explain.

Been ultra productive since Tuesday. i like to work this way. working in spurts, finishing things in one go before falling back into a spell of lethargy.

Had book club last night. really liked it, started reading Fyodor Dotovesky The Karamazov Brothers. Properly this time. I m going to savour it.

i dont know what annoys me more. efficiency or lack thereof.

i know what i m feeling. Disjointed!

now isnt this the sweetest image.

xkcd.com

you ve disappeared so completely from my life i dont even know what to feel
or had the time to sit and think
you are here one minute, gone the next
so adruptly it makes me wonder if it was a daydream from start to finish
if i was the only one who cared
if you were actually even here to begin with

but then the heartprint-nothing really remains of the outline.

yet i wonder if i keep so busy, frenetic even
so i dont have time to realise we ve drifted

even something as simple as you not replying an email still annoys me
but now i think its a efficiency issue

my epiphany from last night
i might well and truly turning into Madame Bovary.

give me jewels people, and let me drip in them for now.



i find it difficult to explain to some friends why androgeny is so compelling

i just find it hard to look away from.


A voice said, Look me in the stars
And tell me truly, men of earth,
If all the soul-and-body scars
Were not too much to pay for birth

So many people have told me i am heartless
maybe i really am.
i do think so.

ah frost. i wish i knew you.
man after my own (arguably non-exsistent) heart.

am i making sense tonight?